Conversation Starters for Siblings

Our local paper published a point-counterpoint editorial this weekend that took on the issue of discussing politics at the Thanksgiving table. I saw value in both perspectives.

On one hand, use the holiday to bring families together, not pull them apart. Stay focused on topics you have in common to remind yourself that families stick together.

And on the other hand, a call to model what it looks like to have civil disagreements. By engaging in calm, thoughtful conversations, with compassionate consideration of another’s perspective, our children learn that the polarity they witness on social media is ineffective in a civil society.

I propose we blend these two options to create Thanksgiving tables that deepen family relationships and also honor the differences of adult siblings.  Here are the steps.

1.      Be curious. Rather than thinking of a story to tell or a position to take, think of a question to ask that will help you learn about others.

2.      Stay curious. You will hear something in the other’s story that does not match your view of the world, or even of a shared event. Ask more questions. Your goal is to understand the other person, not push for your perspective to be heard.

3.      Summarize what you heard. After listening deeply, asking questions to clarify what you are hearing, and withholding your own perspective, share what you heard from this person to be sure you are really grasping what they have shared. Keep at it until the person says, “yes, exactly.”

You could summarize this three-step process as Ask – Listen – Paraphrase. Ask questions. Listen deeply and without judgment. Paraphrase what you heard them say to verify its accuracy.

Here are a few questions to get you started.

1.      When was the last time you did something for the first time?

2.      What is one thing you are doing today that would surprise your 13-year-old self?

3.      What is a story from our childhood that you think captures its essence?

4.      What is one thing that our family needs to update in terms of how different you are from when we lived together?

5.      What non-work things are you doing that you enjoy?

6.      What is one thing you have been putting off that you want to tackle in 2026?

7.      If you were to write a book, what would you title the chapter of your childhood?

8.      What was your experience of our childhood?

9.      Think of your favorite place in our childhood home. What word describes it?

10.  What is something we did as kids that you realize other people did not do?

Come back to this post on Monday and let me know how the conversation went. Happy Thanksgiving!